Oven Fire

Last night the oven caught fire, well the pack of bacon in the oven caught fire, to be precise.
What happened was K invited a bunch of her buddies around for something to munch, and do damage to some local wine. Our standing arrangement is that I do the food exercise and refrain from being rude, passing sarcastic comments in general, and desist from promising to do bad things to cell phones. This gives her time to socialize. Don’t mind that.
So I did the Kiep Kiep a la K thing. Part of this dish needs bacon to be baked in the oven at 140c, low down in the oven. So I did that, and having time to spare, looked for some reading matter and disappeared into the bathroom. I cannot do justice to the occasion without something to read. The sweat can be running down my face in anxiety but I must have reading material. Even the telephone book will do.
So, while doing what a man has to do, I hear “ Where are you?”
“In the bathroom!!!” I reply.
5 minutes later “ Where are you?” again. Geez, “In the Bathroom!!!!” my irritable reply, with unprintable thoughts.
“Have you got a book?”
“No”, says I “ I am doing it from memory” and laugh at my own questionable joke.
“Something is burning”, she shouts
“Well, go and have a look”
“The oven is on fire!!!” she screams from the kitchen.
Now I know where the expression “caught with his pants down” comes from.
With all possible haste I am off to the kitchen. The oven was smoking profusely when K arrived and she did exactly the wrong thing, she opened the oven door. (Eye level oven) The gasses in the oven spontaneously combusted and there were flames everywhere. So she closes the oven door, minus a couple of eyelashes, and this is when I arrive.
Lots of flames in the oven, black smoke and a horrible burny smell.
It is easy to say don’t open the oven door, once the oxygen has been used up the flames will die. It is more difficult to come to terms with what will happen first, will the flames die down or the kitchen burn out.
I take the fire extinguisher off the wall, and struggle to break the seal, need a pair of scissors to do that.
Now what? The bacon is still burning merrily in the oven. What will cost more? Refilling the extinguisher or repairing the oven? Sand also works, what will happen if I dump the cat sand into the oven? It will be cheaper, geez, but the cleaning, and I don’t think cat turds and urine will work well under theses conditions.
Just as I am at the point of knocking the button on the extinguisher the flames start subsiding. After a while they are gone. The kitchen is under a cloud of thick, black smoke.
After a while, open oven, remove contents and inspect damage.
The oven survived.
Next time I will remember that there is a difference between grill and bake, and give more attention to what I am doing, rather than looking for something to read.